Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Is it all meant to be?

Rye said today I wish you would have a baby. Having children after having a child with autism is an issue many parents struggle with. We didn't know Rye had autism when we had Wyatt. I have always been glad that we didn't because I didn't have all the worries that go along with knowing. I know several families who knew their first child had autism and there was and is constant concern about the fate of their newborn. Ironically enough when Wyatt was born I was worried that there was something wrong because he slept through the night, ate on a schedule and rarely cried. This was completely foreign to me after having a baby that cried, would not eat much at a time and who rarely slept. In fact the night we brought Wyatt home from the hospital Rye got up more than Wyatt.

Once we were in the position to make this decision I have to admit it weighed on me. There is concern and anxiety and to be quite honest the thoughts of people judging your decision knowing that having another child on the spectrum is probable.

For us, we made the decision and decided that we wanted more children after knowing but unfortunately it is something that has not happened. We have tried for years and have seen various doctors it is just something else that you don't really have any control over. The issue has also allowed me to connect to many other women, and gain an understanding of just how many people have issues with infertility. There are a lot. It sucks to want something so much and realize that it isn't going to happen. I have to say the "acceptance" of knowing that I won't have a daughter has been way harder for me than learning that my child has autism.

I will probably never know if we had another child would he or she have autism? But one thing that I have to believe because of our journey is that no matter what happens it is all meant to be. I'm very interested to know what others think about having additional children after having a child on the spectrum. Let us know your thoughts. What do you think?


4 comments:

  1. I'm speaking as the biological child of a husband and wife, who were told for seven years, "You'll never be able to have children," and adoption started to be considered. Fate, destiny, "everything happens for a reason" and the like are all tricky concepts for us to fully understand and accept, but sometimes, when you least expect it.....

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    1. I guess you never really know what will happen!

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  2. Tara....have to say first of all how much I love you! You have been amazing for Mataio and I hate that his services with u have ended. :-( you know how scared I was that Meiko could end up being autistic being that he is a male sibling of an autistic child. Well! I'm happy to say that we just had Meikos 2hair year appointment and Dr. Sohl said that this boy DEFINITELY does NOT have autism! Yay! I was so relieved....but at the same time I wouldnt love my little bug any less if he did. Mataio is my sweet boy and to me is amazing in every way autistic or not. So if Meiko had it I would feel no different. Also I do plan for one more child and I will take on this next one the same as I have my others....knowing I'm going to have a beautiful healthy child....autism or not.

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    1. So happy to hear this Danielle!! I miss you guys too and hope you are doing well! Mataio is a awesome kiddo. I see big things for his future.

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