Sunday, March 25, 2012

Who really cares...

On Saturday we had a "situation" that seems to be happening more and more.  Wyatt was invited to a birthday party for someone in his class, which is great, he was very excited.  The party however, happened to be at one of Rye's favorite places to go, the local recreation center for a swimming party.  We never really know how to approach these situations because we don't really know what Rye's reaction will be.  He knows about birthday parties because he has them with family and Wyatt had a big party when he turned 5.

When Rye was in preschool he would get invited by school friends, but since entering elementary school Rye rarely gets invited to a birthday party (actually one in three years).  Yes, this is sad.  This is something that makes me hate the whole social ritual.  Rye doesn't really seem to care, or at least he doesn't speak of it, so I don't really know how he feels about it or if he is aware that he doesn't get invited.

So for yesterday's party, we decide that Scott will take Wyatt to the birthday party and I will spend the day with Rye.  We had a couple of errands we needed to run. We stopped in at Klunk's bike shop to get Wyatt's tire fixed, headed to the mall for lunch at Subway, rode the train at the mall, hit the candy store and went to the Columbia Public Library, or as Rye would call it, the "yellow beezle".  He has called it that since he was little.  Rye played on the computer and requested to find a book on foil fencing.  He then moved one of the cushion chairs to the window that overlooks the street and got comfy.

When Rye wants to remember something he always asks us to take a picture of him doing it or he uses my phone to take a picture of it. This is what today looked like through Rye's eyes.

Notice something?

There are no people other than himself.

I have a feeling Rye could give two hoots about the birthday party and all of that worry and concern is on me.  I'm the one who wants him to get invited.  I'm the one who wants him to "want" to go.  I'm the one who is constantly judging whether or not he even understands that he never gets invited and the whole reasoning behind why he doesn't get invited.  I guess I need to just let it go.

I will never stop pushing Rye to be more social.

I do however need to give him a little more credit than I do most of the time.

On the way home I asked Rye if he had a fun time today and he said "sure I did".

I then said, "me too Bubble, what a fun date we had."

Rye replied with "Gross mom!  WE did not have a DATE."

"Why?" I asked.

"A date is when two people get married and there is LOTS of kissing."

Guess he is a little more informed than I think... He just cares about what he cares about and most of the time that does NOT include birthday parties or other people.


  1. I love your writing and wisdom! Rye sounds like an awesome kiddo. I remember meeting him in his tiny baby carrier back at the Safeway in GWS! Ha! Carrie Helm

    1. Thanks Carrie!! Yep we miss GWS I bet you guys do too!!

  2. Tara, I was sitting waiting for Jake to come out of school, and I watched the parents- watching their kids. Very interesting. We all worry that they aren't accepted, or if they are that it's with the "right" people. You see the insecurity and the worry coming out in the parents... but the kids.. they just play. Some like the company of other kids, others prefer their own company. I think those who are oblivious to the societal implication of "invites" are the happiest. They don't worry about who is friends with who. They are just who they are. I like to think of them as having so much coolness going on in their own minds, they don't need the distraction of other people's pettiness.. or at least that's what I told myself when I didn't get invited to a party ;)

    1. Thanks CC! He is a good boy. I just worry about the future. He just doesn't really have any "real" friends. Time will tell we will keep working. One good thing is that no matter what his favorite thing is to spend the day with his Momma. Can't complain about that!!